I get epiphany-impatient. I am hungry for enlightenment. I want Big Change.
Unfortunately, I think the next series of Big Changes will happen through exercise.
So. That'll be coming right up, then.
My vicious cycle with exercise is that I have back and neck problems which have led to abdominal weakness which have led to worse back and neck problems which have led to worse abdominal weakness which has led to difficulty exercising without injuring myself which has led to a general lack of conditioning and flexibility which has led to embarrassment and shame over said lack which has led to a lot of hiding and couching which has led to back and neck problems.
Wash, rinse, repeat.
Introverted me, as you might imagine, harbors an unholy dread of the group exercise class.
But then again, introverted me also harbored an unholy dread of the private training session and I managed to hold down a few months of wonderful Pilates sessions with the amazing Kiko at Rise Bodyworks (home of our favorite Active Release Therapy maniac, Dr. John Beall) last year.
But it's still excruciating-- excruciating!-- to get myself going on this, obvious benefits aside. Basically, I just don't want to be seen-- by anyone, including myself-- being flabby and awkward and uncoordinated and sweaty and fat and gross and stiff and weak and...
... all of the things I'd never, ever think about another woman if I saw her doing her best to work out despite any limitation she might have.
Right. Yeah, I know. Still. She is not me. I have much harsher standards for me.
But if I force myself out of catastrophic thinking for a minute, I have to admit that this is probably true for most people. We are worried about what others might think of us, but we are far less judgmental of them than they fear in circumstances like these.
Especially at a place like Rise, where everyone is so incredibly kind and welcoming and supportive and encouraging. It's not like a regular gym there, although many people do go there purely for the exercise. It's a therapeutic environment, so the vibe there is one of healing and growth.
I love them there. It's like a warm, hilarious little family.
But group classes are scary! And I am embarrassed! And people! And all the sweaty!
It's excruciating! I DO NOT LIKE TO EXCRUCIATE!
Then again, if I hurt myself, John is right there to pop me back into shape, I guess.
My husband's employer will even reimburse us for the membership.
God damn it.
Sometimes, these epiphanies just SUCK.