In recent weeks, I've gone back to the beginning and started reading through this blog, post by post. It's a fascinating experience. I've got enough distance from the writing (and the PTSR fog to swallow up any lingering memories of the process) that it seems like it was written by someone else, so I am able to have a more objective perspective than I expected.
Can you imagine? Me, with an objective, divorced-from-emotion perspective on my own life? Shocking! Ha ha. But at least this time it's useful in non-destructive ways.
There have been a lot of ideas and epiphanies raised in this blog that are worth revisiting at this stage. Shame, triggers (and more triggers), emotional issues manifesting as physiological ones. I've moved beyond some things; I understand others in a different way now than I did when I first addressed them. There has been growth, and there has been stagnation, and there has been, without doubt, change.
I'd like to touch back on some of the profound moments of the past two years and see what they look like now, from my new vantage point. Or see what lessons they still have waiting for me.
So I'll be doing a bit of that in some upcoming posts.
I'll also be featuring a guest blogger soon, hopefully within the next couple of weeks. Dr. John Beall and I had a really interesting conversation a couple of weeks ago about how Active Release Technique works-- and works in conjunction with strengthening, rehabilitating exercise like Pilates, in particular-- and in that conversation, we stumbled upon an amazing connection between A.R.T. and Peter Levine's trauma theory.
Like, a crazy, synchronous, holy-shit-of-course-EUREKA kind of connection. One that I'm curious to research to see if it's been made before.
THAT kind of cool.
So I asked Dr. Beall if he would write up his thoughts on A.R.T. and the things he said that made the penny drop for me about this work we're doing and why, of course, of course, it works so very well for me.
He said he would, and that he'd cross-post me on his own blog/Facebook page, since many of his clients have suffered trauma and may find the connection useful in their recovery.
So as soon as I get that from him, I will get it to you. It's good stuff, I promise.
I go back and forth about the tone of this blog as it cycles through my emotional stages right along with me. There are times when I think it's just a bunch of dark, pessimistic navel-gazing, and times when I think it's WAY more positive about what's going on than I actually feel.
Sometimes that positivism is reflective of how I feel, at least to some extent, and other times it's more prescriptive in nature. Maybe most often it's that. "Acting as if," that venerable old therapy tool that works a lot more effectively than we give it credit for doing.
Sometimes I wonder if that's perhaps not as honest as I want to be here. Other times I think it's providing a service, for me and for others, that has become an important motivator for this writing. I want to help other people with the work that I'm doing. I want to show that it can be done. If that calls for cheerleading that is more forced than felt at times, I guess that's not the worst thing. Is it?
Is it realistic? I don't know. Ultimately, it probably is. We are what we say we are, after all. We manifest what we project into the world. If I want to present an example of transformation, I probably can't help but transform in the process.
Probably. More likely than not. And what's the harm in trying? We're all just winging it, here, anyway, aren't we?
Well, at any rate, there are other subjects I'd like to tackle in the coming months, and some might have to be deep, dark, filtering-through-the-sludge-at-the-bottom-of-the-tank stuff because that's all that's left to do in some areas, and others might surprise you with their lightness.
For example, there's going to be a post about BBC Sherlock fan fiction here very soon, and how it has, in ways directly related to this therapy and this blog, changed my life.
You didn't know the level of nerdery you were courting when you started reading this blog, did you? Well, get ready, friends. You're about to get a glimpse behind the curtain.
In fact, hey, I just had a good idea. In true nerd fashion, Imma give you some homework in preparation for that near-future post. If you haven't seen the BBC's Sherlock, go watch it. All six episodes. Go. Now. Go now.
It's available on Netflix Instant and for purchase through all the usual channels and for procuring through other means we won't discuss here
but I'm sure you will figure it out if you are of the disposition to use such means, as well.
And it's brilliant, and worth the time and effort. And what I'll have to say in a few weeks will make a LOT more sense. And you should see it anyway, because you're a good person and I like you and I want you to have nice things.
So. New stuff is coming. Wait for it. Comment about it below. And I'll see you next week.