Updates: Bruce and Body Work

A bunch of you have asked for an update on Bruce.

I wish I had one for you.

As you may remember, I wrote him a big, heartfelt email the week that I posted about him, thanking him for everything, trying to put into words the influence he's had on me all these years, and telling him I hoped we'd renew our conversation and see where it might lead.

I don't really know what to say about it. It's been almost three months. I haven't heard back from him.

I'm surprised by it because of the way he responded immediately to my sister. Maybe I offended him with my posts. I don't know. 

I have no idea what to do about this. It's an odd position to be in. I wonder if he never got my email. I wonder if he didn't want to respond or couldn't respond. I wonder if it was too difficult for him to look back on that time-- he was going through something big then, too, if you recall.

What would you do if you were me (and had, in addition to your strong connection to Bruce, an innate shyness and overzealous adherence to very firm boundaries) (this is sort of a nightmare scenario for my particular brand of social ineptitude) (I just don't want you to forget how awkward I will be at this) (I mean you, if you were me)?

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On to the next update: the body work.

After my last post, my good friend Sarah recommended that I try a kind of body work called the Rosen Method. It's a technique that is often very effective for PTSD sufferers, based in part on  the notion that trauma is physiological rather than psychological, and suppressed emotion and energy from an incomplete fight/flight response causes tension in the body.

Basically, it's the physical version of the therapy I'm doing.

This makes perfect sense to me, obviously, and it's coming at the perfect time. I feel like I'm at a point where my head has lead me about as far as it can, so I'm going to give my body and subconscious a chance to take the lead for a while. 

I need to go places where my intellect can't lead me, and since that's the only way I know how to operate, I've had no earthly idea how to proceed.

The Rosen Method appears to be the way.

My first appointment is in a few days, so I will let you know how it goes. 

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I can't remember if I've told you this already, so I'll tell you again: since this whole thing began, so many little pieces have fallen perfectly into place at just the right time and with the greatest of ease that it's almost scary. 

Rather than having obstacles thrown in my path, I've had the path thrown in my path from the very beginning. It's a little unsettling, but in a very good way-- constant reminders that I am in the right place at the right time.

If I believed in magic, I'd say my life is pretty magical right now.

Since I don't, I'll stick with this: when you're ready for something and committed to doing it at any cost, and you approach it with as much honesty and openness as you can and surrender yourself to the process, the way becomes clear. 


Speaking of things I don't believe in but suddenly seem eminently, magically relevant, I got this horoscope the other day from Rob Brezsny, who writes such good horoscopes that I subscribe to his newsletter just for the inspiration it provides:

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): A starfish that loses an arm can grow back a 
new one. It's an expert regenerator. According to my understanding of 
the astrological omens, you are entering a starfish-like phase of your 
cycle. Far more than usual, you'll be able to recover parts of you that got 
lost and reanimate parts of you that fell dormant. For the foreseeable 
future, your words of power are "rejuvenate," "restore," "reawaken," and 
"revive." If you concentrate really hard and fill yourself with the light of 
the spiritual sun, you might even be able to perform a kind of 
resurrection.

Magic, I tell you. Magic! 

Everywhere I look!